


The Best Man

by melian225



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Best Man, Canon Compliant, Community: HPFT, F/M, Humor, Humour, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, Weddings, wedding speech
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-15 00:03:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8034202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melian225/pseuds/melian225
Summary: James and Lily are getting married, and Sirius needs to prepare his Best Man speech.





	The Best Man

 

  

So, as Best Man, James here tells me I’m supposed to say a few words.

Peter also tells me that I’m not supposed to talk for longer than the groom will last in the hotel room tonight. Well, clearly I’ve already gone over that time, so thanks everyone for listening. Sorry, Lily, but you know it’s true.

_[sits down]_

_[pauses]_

_[gets back up again]_

Oh okay, I’ll say something else. I’ve even prepared something – now, where is it? Oh, right, here it is.

_[pulls out a roll of parchment that unravels and hits the floor, with plainly only a small portion visible. The parchment is at least a dozen yards long.]_

Now, I first met James here on the Hogwarts Express in first year. That first week of school was hard work, not only because of the Howler I got for not instructing the Sorting Hat correctly but also because I found myself lumped with this tosser and with Remus and Peter as well. Classes were ridiculously easy but we did get lost in the castle four times, and Prongs earned his first of several hundred detentions by deliberately spilling his armadillo bile over Snivellus during Potions.

In the second week …

What was that, mate? You don’t want me to go over every single week I’ve known you? Geez, and I went to all that trouble, too. Okay, okay, you don’t have to yell, I heard you the first time.

_[sighs and pulls out a much shorter roll of parchment]_

Seriously, folks, James is one of the good ones. Tall, dark, handsome – yes, Remus, I am talking about James and not me, why do you ask? – rich – yes, Moony, still James, I promise – and all round solid upstanding citizen. See? Told you I wasn’t talking about myself. Head Boy at Hogwarts too, even though he wasn’t a prefect, which proves he did some growing up in the time between fifth year and seventh year. Even grew up enough to catch the eye of one Lily Evans, who I believe has even made the time to be here with us today.

What’s that, Prongs? I’m straying from the script, am I? Sorry, mate, but you didn’t think you’d seen everything I was going to say, did you?

Anyway, like I said, James is a pretty decent sort, and a pleasure to be around. He’s smart, funny, inventive and the life of every party he attends. He’s also kind, compassionate and caring, and will make a sensational husband and father, should you get to that point. He is also one of the most generous people I’ve ever met, both in spirit and in … in … hang on, mate, what does this one say? I can’t read your writing.

_[shows parchment to James, then grins and throws it dramatically over his shoulder]_

Now, folks, this bloke behaved like a prat from the first day we met. I think it was something to do with him having everything going for him and knowing it – and even worse, telling everyone - that made him absolutely insufferable. Well, I was relieved he’d be in Gryffindor and I’d be in Slytherin – I knew he’d be in Gryffindor because he told us he would – but yeah, that turned out well, didn’t it? So then I had to share a dorm with this muppet for the next seven years. Eventually, though, he grew on me, kind of like Wartcap powder, and that put me in the unenviable position of standing up here today and trying to find something nice to say about him.

Um … yes. Right. Uh ... you’re not as much of a berk now as you were at fifteen? Does that count? No? Damn it. Now I have to think of something else.

The thing with James, of course, is that he actually is a good bloke, and I say that with all sincerity. Now come on, Moony, no need to look at me like that, I can be sincere when I want to be. And I think Lily here can take some of the credit for that – not for me being sincere, that is, but for Prongs turning out the way he did, because he really was a git when he was younger. I could spend half the night telling tales of some of the stuff we got up to in our wilder years, but there are children present and I also don’t want to give his parents a heart attack. So suffice to say that we had our moments, and I won’t rule out having one or two more in future. With Lily’s permission, of course.

A quick word here about James’s parents, while I’m thinking about it. Quite frankly they deserve a medal for putting up with him for so long, and also for taking in runaway teenaged vagabonds on occasion and treating them like their own. Thanks to them I have been like a brother to Prongs – haven’t I, sis? – though I dare say they came here today wanting proof that he would in fact be off their hands once and for all. Now Lily’s the one responsible for picking up after him, and I don’t think I’m giving away too much when I say that’s quite a job.

Speaking of Lily, what I like most about her is her ability to put James here in his place, which is something none of us ever managed to do successfully over eight years of trying. So when you’re ready to spill the secret, Lily, drop us an owl, okay? Provided it’s something I would actually be prepared to do, of course. And you do deserve to have a wonderful husband and a wonderful marriage, you really do. So I’m buggered if I can understand how you’ve ended up with James.

Despite his general insufferable git-ness, Prongs and I are pretty close. I’ve helped him nurse his hangovers, got him dressed, got him undressed, made up stories for the Improper Use of Magic Office, cleaned up his messes – and that was only this morning. Oh, and if anyone happens to spot James’s Nimbus anywhere, please let us know. It got – uh – mislaid last weekend sometime.

Anyway, I can’t say much more on account of my throat. That is, Lily has threatened to cut it if I go on too long, and Prongs has threatened the same if I mention what we did on the stag weekend in London last week. So I thank you for your time and ask everyone to stand, to toast the people without whom we wouldn’t be here today. To the bar staff!

Okay, okay, sorry Lily. And might I say how beautiful you look today, if I can say that without James hexing me into next week.

_[raises glass]_

A toast, everyone, to James and Lily.

Thank you, and good night.

 


End file.
